An Introduction to the Author

I really wasn't sure how I should introduce myself here and then came up with the idea of introducing some of the history that has led me to start this blog. I'm glad that I'm here.

My very first taste and very likely the source of my twists was based in a book found at a rather precocious age among many other similar choices in the den of a family up the street. In addition to doing odd jobs I would occasionally baby-sit their son which gave me hours and hours every week to critique the relative merits of the types of erotica and straight up porn being offered. I would borrow one or another of these books almost every week as I quickly discovered what good fun a boy of 12 could have alone in his room reading.

This book that most particularly and repeatedly drew me was a large and well edited collection of what had been a wide variety of Victorian era underground smut (oh joy!). 

The stories are full of ribald licentiousness, naughty, naughty governesses, well endowed young men, not so innocent upstairs maids, men of every stripe (ha!), wise older women, wicked grandmothers, the very frequent application of canes and paddles and riding crops to carefully situated rear parts, and all manner of other fun ways to spend a sunny summer afternoon in the country.

Long story short... I don't think I had a chance.

It's called "The Pearl". 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pearl_(magazine)

The next several years...

As the hormones raged through my body my teens found me interpreting virtually every interaction, with virtually every female in proximity, from an erotic perspective. But I quickly learned, and despite being as sincere as I really was about it all, that attempts to seduce 14yo girls was mostly a waste of time and energy.

So what is a romantic and horny boy to do?

The terms MILF and Cougar didn't exist yet but the definition for these did and it was now deeply ingrained in me along with a precociously acquired familiarity with what men and women really can and will do when they are alone together.

And so, a very common theme of my teen years became the older female. These would range from just a few years older such as the older sisters of friends to nearly twenty years in the form of the one who became my most significant involvement. The three most important of these women accepted our earnest young knight affectionately, and being intelligent in addition to beautiful, engaged with him openly and kindly.

But however romantic it may have been it was all very erotic and quite sexual; taking me under their wing to review what carnal knowledge I arrived with then teaching and exposing me to more and more with each exchange. In all, guiding a healthy and enthusiastic boy to learn what he could do with, and rather critically for, a woman including how to look for and be open to what any particular woman might want or need from him.

These life lessons extended well beyond the temporal and these sexual relationships (what would have made headlines all over CNN today) were limited to the sweeter and more loving sorts of adventures rather than focusing on things like impact play... but adventuring we did go and I eagerly lapped up all the offered knowledge.

As a result of this positive introduction to, well, nearly everything, I've always been sex positive, ethically slutty, and entirely, obsessively, happily heterosexual -- no matter how annoyed Steve or Ben may have been with this. (Steve and Ben were both kind and wise older men that I also spent time with while ditching classes; who also allowed me to learn things from, but not of a sexual nature.)

Jumping 40 years and quite a few other adventures ahead...

Up to this point I've always described myself, still do really, as a switch of sorts though I have always hated these labels. With a novice or dabbler I've been able to top well enough and will happily take on the responsibility of managing that aspect of our time together occasionally... 

...but not long into that play I'll be pushing for her to be more assertive and sometimes not so subtle. But I could never TOP with an experienced sub... and truth be told I've always kept myself to the shallower end of the bdsm pool and explored it through what passed for relationship with what I've often referred to as the 'bossy girlfriend'

In my own interpretation, if for example I were to be tied down and forced (hint, hint) to classify that switchiness I'd say my version of PE and kink comes out to about 55% sub vs 20% dom with 25% of happy hedonistic slut making up the difference. 

The Alpha/Beta test shows 30% Mid Alpha and 34% Mid Beta (Lime Green). 
The bdsmtest.org pegs me at 92% Switch; 77% Submissive and 54% Dominant. But I won't argue those test results. No ma'am I sure won't.

But it has all really been quite fluid, and situational, and could easily be experienced anywhere in these ranges. The most critical variables have been the nature of the woman I’m with, how I've come to know her, her needs, preferences, my state of unreleased arousal and just how tight the grip on my balls is at that moment.

My interpretation of "kink" has always been expressed as being far more about the WHY and HOW of what we'll do together sexually versus whether we'll do it or not ... and there isn't much that an enthusiastic and slutty boy wouldn't do.

Being at the "but, this one goes to 11..." end of the sensuality and eroticism scale it's never been about hardware or theatrics or force or required anything other than a sincere, kind, loving seduction to draw out even the sluttiest of no limit bottom.

And bringing us to now...

All of which dovetails neatly with my interest, this lingering need, to explore the possibility of a real 24/7 relationship of the committed and loving FLR variety. 

To be clear: this is NOT about domestic servitude or cuckoldry or feminization or poly anything but rather something that I want to be an actually satisfying monogamous romantic vanilla life with an age appropriate and attractive woman I can't help but to adore for the rest of our lives.

A woman who likes men and likes having LOT's of kinky sex with ONE man... 

...and most critically with trust enough to find where BOTH of our limits really are, to then push them some, and then to settle down into what can really work for BOTH of 
us and for the long term.

So I'm putting it out there, or here, in an effort to see just exactly what I might find, 
or can find, or can create with the help and guidance of the sort of strong woman that I need in my life on a hundred different levels.

I truly hope you can help us both to thread this needle.
--


eta: I've returned to this essay a few times since I first posted here but I think anything more calls for another post or better yet to be done privately. Say hello.

                                                      

But it's really all quite fluid, and situational, and could easily be experienced as 70% sub vs 10% dom -- but still at heart that 20% slut.

My interpretation of "kink" has always been expressed as being far more about the WHY and HOW of what we'll do together sexually versus whether we'll do it or not ... and there isn't much that a well educated and very slutty boy wouldn't do for/with his lady ... and being at the "this one goes to 11" end of the sensuality and eroticism scale. But it's never been about hardware or theatrics or force or required anything other than kind and loving seduction to draw out.

All of which dovetails neatly with my interest, my LingeringNeed, to explore relationships of the FLR variety and just exactly I might find, or can find, or can create with the help and guidance of the sort of strong woman that I need in my life on a hundred different  levels.

I truly hope you can help.

Hello everyone. I really wasn't sure how I should introduce myself to you and then came up with the idea of introducing some history that has led me to join this group. I'm glad that I'm here.

My very first taste and very likely the source of my twists (and early, quite happy, accomplishment as a cunnilinguist) was based in a book that I found among many other similar choices at a rather precocious age.

It was on the bookshelf in the den of a family up the street for whom I would occasionally baby-sit. I was about 12 then and quickly discovered what good fun a boy could have alone in his room just reading books. I was (soon later) the paperboy in this neighborhood -- stories of which will be shared if requested.

This particular large compilation was a well edited collection of what had been Victorian era underground smut (oh joy!). The stories are full of ribald licentiousness, naughty, naughty governesses, well endowed young men, not so innocent upstairs maids, men of every stripe (ha!), wise older women, wicked grandmothers, the very frequent application of canes and paddles and riding crops to carefully situated rear parts, and other fun ways to spend a sunny summer afternoon in the country.

It's called "The Pearl". Get a copy.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pearl_(magazine)

Long story short... I don't think I had a chance.

As the hormones then began to rage through my body in my teens I would interpret virtually every interaction, with virtually every female in proximity, from an erotic perspective. But I quickly learned, and even as sincere as I really was about it all, that attempts to seduce 14yo girls was a waste of time and energy.

So what is a horny and romantic boy to do?

The terms MILF and Cougar didn't exist then but the definition for these was deeply ingrained as was that precociously learned familiarity with what men and women really can and will do when they are alone together.

And so, a very common theme of my teen years became the older female. The most important of these women (just three altogether) would take me under their wing to review what carnal knowledge I arrived with and then teach me a bit more about just what a healthy and enthusiastic boy could do for a Woman who cared for him. I eagerly lapped up the knowledge.

These lessons extended well beyond the temporal, but these sexual relationships (what would have headlines all over CNN today) were limited to the sweeter and more loving sorts of adventures. But adventuring we did go.

As a result of this positive introduction to, well, nearly everything, I've always been sex positive, even a bit slutty (but ethical), and entirely heterosexual -- no matter how annoyed Steve or Ben may have been with this. (Steve and Ben were both kind and wise older men that I also spent time with while ditching classes, and also learned things from, but not sexual.)

Jumping 40 years and quite a few other adventures ahead...

Up to this point I've always described myself, still do really, as a switch of sorts though I have always hated these labels. And if I had to classify that switch-ey-ness I'd say my version of PE and kink comes out to about 50% sub vs 30% dom ... with about 20% of hedonistic slut sprinkled over.

But it's really all quite fluid, and situational, and could easily be experienced as 70% sub vs 10% dom -- but still at heart that 20% slut.

My interpretation of "kink" has always been expressed as being far more about the WHY and HOW of what we'll do together sexually versus whether we'll do it or not ... and there isn't much that a well educated and very slutty boy wouldn't do for/with his lady ... and being at the "this one goes to 11" end of the sensuality and eroticism scale. But it's never been about hardware or theatrics or force or required anything other than kind and loving seduction to draw out.

All of which dovetails neatly with my interest, my LingeringNeed, to explore relationships of the FLR variety and just exactly I might find, or can find, or can create with the help and guidance of the sort of strong woman that I need in my life on a hundred different  levels.

I truly hope you can help.

Hello everyone. I really wasn't sure how I should introduce myself to you and then came up with the idea of introducing some history that has led me to join this group. I'm glad that I'm here.

My very first taste and very likely the source of my twists (and early, quite happy, accomplishment as a cunnilinguist) was based in a book that I found among many other similar choices at a rather precocious age.

It was on the bookshelf in the den of a family up the street for whom I would occasionally baby-sit. I was about 12 then and quickly discovered what good fun a boy could have alone in his room just reading books. I was (soon later) the paperboy in this neighborhood -- stories of which will be shared if requested.

This particular large compilation was a well edited collection of what had been Victorian era underground smut (oh joy!). The stories are full of ribald licentiousness, naughty, naughty governesses, well endowed young men, not so innocent upstairs maids, men of every stripe (ha!), wise older women, wicked grandmothers, the very frequent application of canes and paddles and riding crops to carefully situated rear parts, and other fun ways to spend a sunny summer afternoon in the country.

It's called "The Pearl". Get a copy.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pearl_(magazine)

Long story short... I don't think I had a chance.

As the hormones then began to rage through my body in my teens I would interpret virtually every interaction, with virtually every female in proximity, from an erotic perspective. But I quickly learned, and even as sincere as I really was about it all, that attempts to seduce 14yo girls was a waste of time and energy.

So what is a horny and romantic boy to do?

The terms MILF and Cougar didn't exist then but the definition for these was deeply ingrained as was that precociously learned familiarity with what men and women really can and will do when they are alone together.

And so, a very common theme of my teen years became the older female. The most important of these women (just three altogether) would take me under their wing to review what carnal knowledge I arrived with and then teach me a bit more about just what a healthy and enthusiastic boy could do for a Woman who cared for him. I eagerly lapped up the knowledge.

These lessons extended well beyond the temporal, but these sexual relationships (what would have headlines all over CNN today) were limited to the sweeter and more loving sorts of adventures. But adventuring we did go.

As a result of this positive introduction to, well, nearly everything, I've always been sex positive, even a bit slutty (but ethical), and entirely heterosexual -- no matter how annoyed Steve or Ben may have been with this. (Steve and Ben were both kind and wise older men that I also spent time with while ditching classes, and also learned things from, but not sexual.)

Jumping 40 years and quite a few other adventures ahead...

Up to this point I've always described myself, still do really, as a switch of sorts though I have always hated these labels. And if I had to classify that switch-ey-ness I'd say my version of PE and kink comes out to about 50% sub vs 30% dom ... with about 20% of hedonistic slut sprinkled over.

But it's really all quite fluid, and situational, and could easily be experienced as 70% sub vs 10% dom -- but still at heart that 20% slut.

My interpretation of "kink" has always been expressed as being far more about the WHY and HOW of what we'll do together sexually versus whether we'll do it or not ... and there isn't much that a well educated and very slutty boy wouldn't do for/with his lady ... and being at the "this one goes to 11" end of the sensuality and eroticism scale. But it's never been about hardware or theatrics or force or required anything other than kind and loving seduction to draw out.

All of which dovetails neatly with my interest, my LingeringNeed, to explore relationships of the FLR variety and just exactly I might find, or can find, or can create with the help and guidance of the sort of strong woman that I need in my life on a hundred different  levels.

I truly hope you can help.

The Physiology and Psychology Influences on the Sexuality of Subject B

This began as something close to a love letter (really).
I've since edited it quite a bit both adding and subtracting and expanding.

The basic premise reads as being present tense but most of the particulars aren't.
He still needs to lose more bulk and to find the specific woman though.

I hope you enjoy.
---

The Physiology and Psychology Influences on the Sexuality of Subject B

The subject presents with certain underlying issues among these being some benign prostate hyplasia (BPH), a resultant degree of erectile dysfunction (ED), reduced testosterone level and the desensitizing effect of chronic masturbation all of which combined in this 50ish male to necessitate a coordinated therapeutic program consisting of sexual stimulation practices of a rather specific nature, changes in diet, increased exercise, and some pharmaceuticals to reliably produce the sort of full, throbbing and visibly eager sort of erection that would please or be capable of satisfactory penetrative sex on any sort of regular basis.

The exercise and diet regimen has involved common fitness and strength activities such as Nautilus and free weights in conjunction with a significantly restricted low carb and low sugar diet all focused on reducing Subject B’s weight level generally, stomach fat in particular, increasing his cardio capacity and muscle tone generally, and supplemented with Kegel exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor.

The pharmaceutical regimen includes a daily 25mg of Clomiphene Citrate to enhance, or at least to not limit, the organic production of testosterone, a daily 10mg of Cialis to assist blood flow to the penis and help counter the weakened prostate symptoms. Additionally, a 20mg Viagra will be consumed prn.

It’s important to note that the pharmaceutical regimen can not induce an erection by itself. The drugs can only assist in allowing more blood flow to achieve more than mere tumescence. Achieving an erection, especially one that would be capable of satisfactory penetrative sex, shall always require arousing stimuli of one sort or another.

The biggest hindrances to achieving this goal, perhaps even more than the effects of metabolic changes in this 50ish male, are in knowing his own touch too well and not having a specific woman to focus his desire, libido and devotion upon.

The psychology regimen, based in well known behavior modification and aversion techniques, is the most important of the several approaches taken with the overarching goal being to re-condition Subject B’s arousal response to actual physical realities and in particular to the person of his therapist ~sexual partner.

Among the various conditioning techniques and other measures that the therapist will employ are strict requirements that Subject B not read any erotica no matter how well written, or to view any images of an erotic nature no matter how artistic, nor to self stimulate to any degree whatsoever; in fact he will not be allowed to touch his penis at all (bathing and urinating excepted) for the foreseeable future.

In immediate proximity to this woman, and it must be a woman, the power of her spirit and paddle arm should be more than enough to enforce the no touching dictate; however, this abstention will certainly require supervision generally and very likely the use of restraint devices; in particular when it is necessary for him to be left alone.

These restraints range from the simple reminder ribbon tied from his wrist and holding the hand beyond the required range of motion to the practical of a locked cock cage --with or without urethral tubes or electrical current-- to the unequivocal of full body restraint  which might include anal plugs or even torturous elements -- all depending on the whims and mood of this therapist.

None of this means that she shouldn’t touch him or his penis though. In fact, the therapeutic regimen rather requires that she touch Subject B and with significant frequency; the penis especially and any other parts of his body that her taste,
her desire or her curiosity might dictate; certainly at the outset.

The conditioning process also requires that an effective punishment scheme for non -
compliance with her direction be implemented. These should be carefully considered to avoid introducing any activity that could more properly be considered a reward. Her attentions to his needs should be thought reward enough.

The physiology of arousal, response and full blood flow to achieve the full throbbing eager erection that will meet his partners expectation can be achieved by combining repeated and planned sessions of direct stimulation with specific visual, verbal or other triggering stimuli that she chooses to imprint within him.

These triggering stimuli are likely to be quite varied, and include signals that might not ordinarily be considered especially arousing absent other context, but most will be easily used even in the most public of venues such as eyes, lips, a tongue tip, a finger tip, the silhouetted curve of a clothed breast, the skin seen within a cleavage.

These stimulation and arousal sessions will need to be frequent but few will allow him to ejaculate absent achieving the full throbbing eager erection required by his partner.
(Tease-Denial/Edging in the common vernacular).

Over the course of a day he could be aroused in this way to a nearly full erection quite often; perhaps even hourly. If he has been kept from ejaculation for any significant amount of time that arousal response will be prompt and with each subsequent cycle of Tease-Denial/Edging his erection will become progressively stronger for her.

The question is in how often the full length and GIRTH can be expected to be achieved. At the initiation of the therapeutic regimen that could be at least once per day. It is expected that over the course of time the therapies will promote an increase in the total number of full erections achieved per day and reduce the time required to achieve each.

At some point the full raging eager penis she expects will be available for her almost at the snap of her fingers if not constantly present. The principle variable being degree of semen retention that she will impose.

His native sexuality, his giving and caring reciprocal nature, his relationship with the woman who is quickly becoming his partner, all motivate him to balance the objective need of these therapeutic practices directed upon him by her -- with a just as frequently applied focus on her needs, her arousal and her satisfaction by him -- and to do so while maintaining a high orgasm ratio between them (a par ratio of of no less than 4:1 per day) even if it at the outset this will often be achieved by means other than penetrative sex.

At the outset of the conditioning process the number of arousal sessions per day -and the reciprocal attention to her needs- will be significant; easily rising to double digits if his partner can be available to that degree.

She could go deeper into the reconditioning methods and aversion practices and limit his arousal response to her exclusively and/or to whatever other person that she might allow or wish to see receive the attention of his arousal such as a trusted friend who could assist her in the therapies when she is unable to or just for their own amusement.

The reciprocating attentions by him will sometimes occur simultaneous to the therapeutic regimen but rarely as doing these detailed and attentive practices sequentially offers far fewer distractions and allows for each to make a far superior job of it all.

That “for her” aspect of his arousal and full throbbing eager erection though is the key to the entire dynamic between subject B and his partner as this erection is viewed by each of them as a gift for her -- something meant by nature for her enjoyment and his duty to provide for her -- a boon that demonstrates his affection and appreciation for her and all that she has become to him and in time what will surely be his deep love for her.

The woman capable of effecting these changes will have earned the full subconscious attention of Subject B such that merely focusing her eyes on him, even from across a room, will be enough to trigger the erection response in him.

She will look into his eyes as she stimulates him to erection paying close attention as his breathing quickens, speaking pointedly to him, into his subconscious, into his very soul. If she is satisfied by the quality of the erection or if he has been especially good she will occasionally reward her boy by bringing him to ejaculation in this position.

But however an ejaculation is allowed, whether by her hand, by her mouth or her very well lubricated squirmy center he will always be looking deep into her eyes as she allows what is quickly becoming her penis to flood it’s reward for both of them.

It's at this point where the tantric goals can begin to be realized. By incorporating other  ejaculation control conditioning and aversion techniques this woman will have a rock hard and eager erection available for her to climb on and ride at nearly any hour of the day which should allow her to enjoy far more than the 4:1 orgasm ratio the regimen began with.

When she is ready to allow him to ejaculate which is likely to also require a conditioned trigger she will be able to add even more orgasms to her day sourced by the oral attention that he will devote to her, for her, after that ejaculation. She could be expected to ride his face for quite a while.

The last and lingering question then becomes one of finding the sort of woman who would accept these needs in their partner, who would accept, ideally embrace, her role in effecting the therapeutic approaches inherent to that need with some degree of enthusiasm -- and who will be attracted to the man himself along with the other more ordinary and non-sexual aspects of a life together.

At the least these women would need to be sex positive, actually like men, and appreciate how applying her many skills toward this requisite therapy, a not insignificant effort and time commitment, would be balanced by him with a similar enthusiasm regarding her own sexual needs or preferences.

Straight women, even the most vanilla sort, could reasonably find satisfaction in relationship that included these practices --and the corollary reciprocation-- but it would require great effort to identify them as being sexually open enough to approach regarding the therapy in advance of the other more ordinary and non-sexual aspects of establishing what at root still needs to be a romantic relationship.

This is not impossible to achieve but finding them is far more likely to occur by happenstance than by any sort of calculated filtering effort especially in the context of online dating sites and the weak search tools available for their database.

Much of the therapy and the sexuality is fairly common practice in the FLR and Female Domination world and for that reason subject B has looked toward this community to find women who both understand the issues and who will also enjoy the several practices but with little success.

The problems encountered have been that many of these women have seemed rather angry and/or to not particularly like men and/or aren't inclined toward monogamy and most critically that nearly all will require a far deeper D/s relationship dynamic than the subject has ever been inclined toward or would consider absent the therapeutic need -- even if this was all occurring in the context of a relationship.

It seems that the most practical category to focus on are the women who self identify as both sex positive and kinky; the sort who are comfortable with D/s sex play and enjoy power exchange dynamics -- but who don’t self identify as exclusively submissive or dominant.

In short, a woman who is also a switch of some sort just like Subject B. A very kinky woman of appropriate age who will be attracted to the other ordinary and non-sexual aspects of a life with this generally or more substantially submissive man -- who is also capable to some degree of fulfilling the role of top when they occasionally need it.

Of Note: These women are likely to also have bisexual tastes which Subject B is entirely comfortable accommodating when enjoyed at an episodic and non- monogamous level that wouldn’t threaten the more important -if marginally limited- commitment to the monogamous love and caring adult relationship of partners that they both deeply desire.

edited  11/10/2016; 11/13/2016